A Love Letter to Hardship Laps

 

“Shit Happens”

At least that’s what everyone will tell you, and probably what you’ll tell yourself too. 

It’s what I first told myself last race when I finally calmed down in the paddock enough to process the stupid shit I had just done. 

Our team had just come off a phenomenal test day at Nelson Ledges, and in our first race weekend we won handily on Saturday and finally started to feel the car out. Sunday was go time, and the first time I’d be starting from pole position. The vibes were high and the car was really running great. 

The countdown on grid got lower and lower, and we got the signal to roll out behind the pace car. I put the car in first and start to roll. Just as I pass my dear friend Carolyn who was our grid splitter at the end of pit out…I get too heavy into the throttle on cold tires and the car snaps to the right. Putting me directly into a wall, breaking the radiator among other things. 

The race was over before I even made it to the pace lap. 

The whole team is in complete disbelief, surely something like this didn’t actually just happen. All the friends and family watching, all the hours getting the car ready, all the off season training I did trying to be the best driver possible, all of the financial sacrifice…there was no fucking way that I just did that?

Shit happens. 

In racing those are true words, but in reality it doesn’t offer much solace.

 I didn’t care that I wasn’t the first person to do it.

 I didn’t care this happened in Indy Car in the 90s to Roberto Guerrero.

 I didn’t care that its early in the season and was “going to be okay.”

It’s a tough pill to swallow as a driver when something like this happens, it cuts you to the core of who you thought you were and rattles your confidence around. I went from a big high to a huge low in a heartbeat. The feeling of letting your team down and everyone around you is one of the worst you can have.

But that’s racing, and shit happens.

There is Truth in Failure

The fact is, every single time I’ve ever made a mistake in racing it has felt this same way. Each time you learn, grow, and rationalize that this next particular experience is especially heinous because you should really know better by now.

One of the universal truths in racing is that misfortune through various causes will absolutely befall you and your team. It’s ultimately all about how you choose to handle that that will separate the average from the greats in the sport. 

Failure shows you the truth about who you are in a way that success can’t. The job of a driver is to not just pilot a vehicle but to be able to handle the pressure of these failures and issues. Which often times can be far more difficult than a fast lap time. Can you deal with letting everyone down? 

Well you’re going to have to, because it’s going to happen again eventually. 

To me, hardship is what carves away the facade of who you thought you were into who you burn to be. It is a gift in the form of difficult realities that offer imperative improvements. 

If it’s move on or quit, I’m moving on.

Take a Hardship Lap

I always love seeing drivers on a hardship lap. It means that whatever circumstances made the car inoperable, they figured it out. Or at the least are just making sure the thing will hold together for at least one quick lap before sessions start. This also usually means someone thrashed their ass off to get everything back together.

The idea of getting up the next morning and getting right back in the car is one that is very important to me. Whether literally or metaphorically. Moving on means moving, I always try to remember that. 

I woke up on Monday, and life went on. My everyday life problems were still there, and even some new ones with the unfortunate passing of our beloved dog Mack on Wednesday. 

Honestly I didn’t feel like doing anything, and I didn’t. I grieved and I just allowed myself to feel sadness. 

There was no way though that I was letting this set of circumstances put a lid on the work that we had done, I had done for this year. I was determined to get back up and back into routine

Thursday started with the gym as usual, and then I got the opportunity to coach at the first Track Night In America at Pitt Race again as the Novice Coach.

 I drove straight off of grid to lead the nervous group of first timers on pit lane to see the track for the first time. It was psychologically imperative for me to drive out on a race track as soon as possible in any capacity. Sort of an exposure therapy thing, I want to get right back into what it was that shook me. 

Thankfully I was able to drive out and get my metaphorical hardship lap. I felt curbing under my tires, pitted in, and turned the page.

I’d like to thank all of my teammates, friends, family,

and my fiancée for all sticking together through a really lame week. 

We’re back to racing next month, a little wiser and a little stronger.